Can I change ‘me’?

We are human beings with complex minds. We all want the same, yet seek to find it through various ways. Some of us, are thrilled to step on the beaten path, while others are thrilled to find our own way. I am one of those people. Every time I try something, it is more of an experimentation, to see what works, for me. To know what works for me, I have to know me, as much as possible. And knowing ‘me’ means to know where I come from, how have I been educated, what have I learned and had to unlearn, and to be able to engage or let go of situations that don’t work. To let go in a healthy way, without running, without burning bridges, without causing suffering to myself and to others. I have to exercise care, precaution, attention, patience, detachment, listening, and I have to accept that it is extremely uncomfortable to change course. To change.

Change is inevitable. The ‘me’ I mentioned is a changing construct. I go back in time, and with every trip in time, I can twist the story. I can re-write my narrative. We all can. Not necessarily with words written on a paper, but with compassion, with understanding, detached. The conscious change, when we simply realize that things are not going well, that our bodies hurt, that our friends are people we no longer agree of but rather understand and accept, is not easy as it doesn’t always come naturally. We can continue to do the things that hurt us. We meet people every day who refused to change, who went with natural changes, probably hoping that higher forces will take care of things. Yet we know that when we care, when we really start caring about ourselves, loving who we are, when we become agreeable to ourselves, we are motivated to act.

Action is putting things into motion. We envision a healthy life, a balanced life, a life which makes us smile in the morning and smile in the evening before bed. A life where we do the things we love, every day, with utmost dedication. This commitment to living a good life seems to frustrate the mind that thinks that life is hard, and has to be hard. That nothing is simple. The conscious change therefore implies that we accept that hurt, pain, suffering, injustice as part of life, but we can use that hardness to soften our character. Not to become pussies, but to become more flexible and hopefully, with devotion and practice, to surrender completely to life.

I hereby invite you to take a more detached look at your ‘me’ and ask yourself: what is it that I know I could change, but I don’t, I won’t, why should I?

‘New Skirt’ from Cristina Burduja’s first self-published poetry collection ‘The Paths We Travel Alone’